CHAPTER 1: THE WOOLLY MAMMOTH THIEF
In the seven-decade-long existence of the Nottingham Natural History Museum,
no break-in had ever occurred until five a.m. on one fateful Saturday. The
trespasser’s name was Maxwell Oscar Jacobs, a local retail worker. In his spare
time, he enjoyed playing Tetris, doing crossword puzzles, and—his preferred
pastime—a spot of treasure hunting.
With a stone he’d found on the pavement, Max had smashed the museum’s
back window and climbed into it by balancing on a rubbish bin. Shortly
thereafter, he padded warily through the geology exhibit surrounded by models
of Earth, not enjoying the experience in the slightest. Surveillance cameras
mounted above on the wall scanned him, but he dearly hoped the authorities hadn’t
been dispatched to arrest him. They shouldn’t be. After all, he hadn’t poured
chocolate milk on the power box outside for nothing.
Max was twenty-one years old, rather tall with stick insect limbs.
Bright blond hair and a poorly cut fringe topped his head. He wore a grey
Cookie Monster hoodie, straight-legged jeans, Mickey Mouse socks and a cheap,
halfbroken children’s watch with coloured numbers. He also wore blue trainers with
the shoelaces undone and carried a Tony the Tiger rucksack in which to store
the mammoth tusk he was after. To top it all, he had a scabbard that held a
broadsword called Fleshrender, Max’s favourite possession.
Pacing along, he thought passingly that he should have dressed the part
more and put on a ski mask. His heart pounded as he passed by the dinosaur exhibit,
unease assailing him. It was too late to go home at this point. He just had to
find the mammoth tusk before daylight.
He gathered himself, drew his sword and focused on not tripping while
he navigated through the dark, winding corridors. Even the smallest of noises made
him jump—broadsword at the ready—as he crept through the empty halls.
With the lights off, the museum was practically a haunted house. While he
tiptoed into the zoology section, glimmering rays of moonlight streamed in
through the windows, falling gently over him. Shadowed model animals lined the
walls, felt rabbits and plastic spiders sitting on table displays. A frightening
bear stood with its paws raised and its sharp jaws wide open as if
ready to pounce on him at a moment’s notice. Max’s eyes widened, but within
seconds he discerned to his relief it was just taxidermy.
At last, the mammoth appeared behind a red security barrier not far away.
With every muscle tensed, he gazed in awe at its gigantic figure. But his jaw
dropped as he realised, despite how carefully he had planned this mission, he’d
forgotten one crucial part: how to extract the mammoth tusk out of the
skeleton. It looked like it’d been screwed in tightly. Should’ve
brought a screwdriver. Oh, bother.
Pushing his shoulders back, he sheathed his weapon, strode right up to
the mammoth and peered at the display label. It read:
This woolly mammoth
skeleton was discovered in 1925 by a team of esteemed archaeologists in rural
Devon. It was the first almost entirely preserved specimen ever uncovered in
England. It is a relic of priceless historical value. DO NOT TOUCH.
Deciding to disobey and wrest the tusk out, Max stepped over the maroon
rope that encircled the mammoth and wrapped his hands around it. Like Arthur
pulling the sword from the stone, there was nothing else to do but pull really,
really hard.
After counting down from three, he tugged the mammoth tusk towards him
with all his might. It took a few tries, but finally the tusk separated from the
woolly mammoth skeleton with a nasty crack, and he fell on his backside.
Yet before he could rejoice, he heard the sound of a creak.
A door opened across the room.
“PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK! LAY DOWN ON THE GROUND!”
Max turned around and scrambled to his feet, mouth wide open. Police with
intimidating weapons emerged out of nowhere, swarming him. He gaped at the
approaching horde before looking back down at the tusk. This couldn’t be
happening.
The thought crossed his mind to run. But what was the point? There were
too many police. He was toast!
He dropped the mammoth tusk on the floor and unsheathed his sword.
“Listen, this is all a b-big misunderstanding,” he stuttered.
“NO MISUNDERSTANDING!” a second officer yelled, a woman in a navy tunic
with a bulletproof vest. She inched over to him. “HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK NOW!”
Max stared at the police, aghast. They think I’m a criminal. How ridiculous.
I’m just an innocent treasure hunter!
“Let me e-explain. It’s v-very, very important for you to let me
eexplain,” Max stammered.
He pointed his sword at them threateningly, before spotting a paunchy man
who held what looked like a laser pointer and was aiming it at him.
Max swung the sword around as a warning. “Please. If you’d just give me
a second to clear this up, I’m sure that—arghhh!”
His words cut out with a bloodcurdling scream. Electricity surged through
his body. The red dot he’d seen on his chest hadn’t been from a laser pointer
at all, but a taser. Limbs spasming, Max fell onto the floor and crumpled into
a ball as the police closed in on him.